


it's not great

by stuff_and_nonsense



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Bad Hookups, F/M, Gen, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 11:19:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15533082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuff_and_nonsense/pseuds/stuff_and_nonsense
Summary: Kurt meets a beautiful woman at a bar. It doesn't go as well as he'd hoped.





	it's not great

**Author's Note:**

> Mildly dubious consent tag elaboration: Contains a sex scene, not really written to be erotic, where one character is uncomfortable but chooses to go along with things anyway for a while. If that's not what you're looking for, I would skip this one.
> 
> There's Kurt & Logan friendship at the very beginning and very end, if that's what you're here for!
> 
> Set very early during the Claremont run in the comics, but pretty much divorced from canon. Premise loosely inspired by the backup story in Classic X-Men #4, which I'd highly recommend, and by every other story where Kurt and Logan go out for a drink...

They’d just returned from a mission, bruised but triumphant. As Kurt began to head upstairs to shower, a hand clapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey elf, I own you a drink,” said Logan. “You saved me some pain today. Meet me down here once you’re out of the clown suit.”

Kurt nodded, nonplussed by this so-far-unique friendly gesture from Logan. He questioned the wisdom of this as soon as the other man had turned away. He wasn’t in the habit of going to bars, or even of drinking that often. And who knew what kind of dive Wolverine had in mind? Still, he wasn’t one to turn down a new experience, or a gesture of friendship.

He showered, got as much water out of his fur as possible, and pulled on civilian clothes. Grabbing his image inducer, he went downstairs and found Logan in the garage. He’d already opened a beer.

“Hop on,” said Logan, gesturing at a motorcycle. He drained his can and swung a leg over the bike. Kurt climbed on behind him.

“Not to criticize, friend, but should you be driving us?” Kurt asked.

Logan grunted – it might have been a laugh. “Can’t get drunk,” he said. “Just like the taste.”

Kurt fiddled with his image inducer as Logan opened the garage and started the bike. They rode in silence for almost half an hour, speeding down almost empty roads. When they arrived and Logan dismounted, a man who looked suspiciously like Errol Flynn hopped off too.

“You don’t need that here,” Logan said. “Mutant-run bar.” Kurt wasn’t sure that meant they’d be comfortable with him, but he still flicked his image inducer off as he followed Logan into the bar, an unlabeled, windowless building he would have totally overlooked. He hung back in a shadow by the doorway until he got his bearings.

The place was small and crowded, neither dingy nor particularly artfully decorated. Music was playing, but it was hard to hear over the chatter of the people who filled the booths, the open area in front of the door, and the bar across the room.

Logan gestured him over, pointing at two open seats at the bar. Kurt swallowed and crossed the room, but received nothing worse than a few curious looks. He began to relax, and sipped at the beer Logan had ordered for him.

A few hours later, he’d finished the beer, discovered a taste for fruity cocktails, and decided he loved everyone in this bar. He had enough sense not to talk about his missions with the X-Men, but he was regaling a pair of women with artfully embellished stories of his time in the circus. His tail brushed against the arm of one of the women as he described how he’d caught a fellow acrobat who’d plummeted from a swing.

She startled at the touch on her forearm, and Kurt began to apologize, certain that in his alcohol-boosted confidence he’d overstepped. To his surprise, instead of recoiling, she smiled at him and asked him to continue his story. From that point, she seemed to drift closer and closer to him as they talked.

Eventually, her friend went home, and the conversation became more two-sided. She wasn’t a mutant, but she’d followed a friend here a few months ago and decided she liked the atmosphere. And she felt cool knowing about the secret bar, she added with a laugh. Her name was Melissa. She was a nursing student, and she shared an apartment with a roommate, who usually stayed out later than her. She had bright blue eyes, a jacket full of political buttons, and a confident air that left him weak in the knees.

She bought him another drink, and touched his hand a little too long when he offered her a taste of it. His pulse sped up and his face warmed, the blush thankfully hidden under his dark fur. If this was how things always went in American bars, he thought he could grow to like it here. When she invited him home, he only hesitated for a moment. 

It occurred to him to check in with Logan before leaving. They’d sat together for their first couple drinks; Kurt had no idea if it was out of obligation or if the other man actually enjoyed his company. He supposed Logan must have on some level, since Kurt hadn’t been stabbed at any point. After the first rounds, a man he didn’t recognize came by and clapped Logan on the shoulder, and the two had spent the rest of the evening in a corner talking intently, while Kurt’s attention had gone to Melissa and her friend.

Kurt stood, and looked over at his teammate. Logan waved a hand at the door and turned back to his conversation, which Kurt decided to interpret as ‘good night, see you later’. Melissa leaned into him as they walked out of the bar.

His head was in the clouds, but not far enough to forgot to turn his image inducer on as they left. He’d told her about it earlier in the evening, but she still startled at the change.

She took his hand, running her thumb over his two large fingers. “I can still feel the real you underneath it,” she said.

“I have to be careful about that,” he said. “And about this.” He uncoiled his tail from around his leg, and lifted it out of range of the hologram. Its tip brushed her arm again, deliberately this time.

She smiled, and stroked the end. “Does it tickle when I do this?” she asked.

“No,” he said, reaching it towards her, “but this might.” They laughed and chased each other the six blocks to her apartment.

She kissed him almost as soon as the door closed, pressing him up against the wall. He returned it enthusiastically, wrapping one arm around her. He hadn’t had much practice with this – some fumbling experimentation with Jimaine that they’d later laughed off, and a more prolonged session with one of the ringside popcorn girls, who’d blushed and avoided him every time she’d seen him since. But it wasn’t hard to figure out what to do. He moved his mouth gently against hers, let his hands wander up and down her back. It was lovely – warm and soft – and Melissa seemed to be enjoying herself too.

When she finally pulled away, she led him down the hallway to a bedroom – small and cozy, piled with books and other detritus of student life. It seemed shaped to her, in a way the shared wagons at the circus hadn’t been able to achieve for anyone, and the intimacy was a bit stunning.

“Will you turn your hologram thing off?” she asked.

“Are you sure?” he said. “I can stay like this if you’d rather.”

“No,” Melissa answered. “I want you the way you really look.”

It was much brighter in here than in the bar. Kurt swallowed, and switched off the image inducer. 

Melissa beamed at him. “You’re amazing,” she said.

He couldn’t quite believe this was really happening, but then she kissed him again and he stopped worrying about it.

Her hands gripped the edge of his shirt, pulled upwards. As he slipped out of it and tossed it aside, she ran her fingers over his fur, gripping tight and close. She pushed forward, and he sat back onto the bed, legs pinned underneath her. She nipped with her teeth as they kissed, biting down just a little too hard. Kurt slid his mouth away and down her neck. She gasped as he moved back up to her ear. “You can bite a little harder,” she said, so he tried to, tugging gently at her earlobe with his teeth.

Their hands bumped together, and Melissa wrapped her fingers around his. She pulled back a little, and drew his hand up towards her face, planting a soft kiss on his knuckles. Kurt shifted nervously as she looked more closely; his hands were the part he felt most self-conscious about. He said as much. “No, they’re lovely,” Melissa reassured him. “They’re really interesting.”

She dropped his hand and leaned back in towards him. Her arms wrapped around him again, and she moved her hands lower as they continue to kiss, running them along the waistline of his pants. A ticklish shiver shot through him as she reached the base of his tail, and he let out a very undignified noise. “Ah, sorry,” he said. “Could you stay away from there? It’s a bit uncomfortable.”

“Oh, sorry,” Melissa answered. “How’s the rest of the tail? I have to admit, I’ve been looking forward to seeing what you can do with it.”

“Well, I’d be happy to show you,” he said with a grin. 

“Would you?” She smiled back, raising an eyebrow. “What’re you going to do to me?”

“This, to start,” he said, hooking each of her shoes in turn with the tip of his tail and pulling them off.

Melissa laughed. “That’s convenient,” she said. “Not as nefarious as I would have expected though.”

“Well, I try my best to be a gentleman,” said Kurt, planting quick kisses on her neck between each word. “Only nefarious when the situation really calls for it.” He wrapped his tail around her waist, and pulled her in closer for a deep kiss.

She leaned into it, wrapping her arms around him. Her hands wandered across his back and sides, drifting lower and lower. She slide one between them to pop open the button of his pants, the other hand slipping down inside to cup his buttock.

“Oh!” said Kurt. “Hello.” Not what he’d been expecting, so soon, but he supposed it wasn’t a problem.

“Sorry,” said Melissa. “You don’t want to?”

“It’s not that I don’t,” he said. “I was just surprised.”

She kissed him again, and slid the hand at the front of his pants down further, pressing firmly against him. Her hand rubbed up and down. The first few strokes felt amazing, but that soon subsided into self-consciousness; it was so strange, to have another person do this. Maybe he’d get used to it. He tried to get back the feeling from earlier in the night, reminding himself how incredible she’d looked in the bar, how good that first round of kissing had felt.

“Do you think it’s bad?” she asked. “That I brought you back here?”

“Why would I think that? I came back with you, and I’m very glad of it.” He ran another line of kisses down her neck. 

She smiled at him, still moving her hand. “I’m being very wicked though, right? Bringing strange mutants home with me – what would people say? But we’re here and I’ll let you do anything you want to me.”

“Do you want me to say you’re being bad?” he asked. “Scandalizing polite society?”

“Please do. It’s fun, right, to think of it like that?”

He could certainly see where she was coming from. He’d had enough pirate adventure fantasies that he’d probably be a hypocrite to criticize. The “strange mutants” bit sat oddly though. Still, he could play along, he supposed. “If that’s what you like, I won’t disappoint a lady,” he said. “Though perhaps you’ve shown yourself a bit too wild for the term.” 

That drew a grin from her. “It’s a bit degrading, right?” she said. “Who knows what you might do to me?”

Never mind - this wasn’t working for him at all. He wasn’t sure what he’d been looking for, but it wasn’t this - he didn’t want to be something degrading. Maybe she wouldn’t mind if he just stopped with the scenario she was trying to set up. He kissed her again, to help justify not talking, and rocked back and forth against her as she continued to stroke. It did feel nice, and he hoped she was having a good time. They could probably still turn this back around.

Melissa seemed to notice though, that he wasn’t responding as she’d hoped. “Have you done this before?” she asked, sliding her hands out of his waistband.

He shook his head. “I’ve kissed before, but nothing more than that.”

“I guess you haven’t had a lot of opportunities?” she said. 

“Not exactly. The circus was pretty small– only so many girls my age, and even less privacy.”

“There were girls there though? Who wanted to kiss you?”

He laughed, a little uncomfortably. What an odd question – where was she going with this? “Yes, a couple,” he said. “Are you skeptical? I’ve charmed you, haven’t I, so why not others?” 

“I guess there’s no reason why not,” she said. “Just that people are so shitty to mutants. I would’ve thought you’d had a harder time.”

“I suppose I have in some ways,” he said. He’d been lucky, at the circus, to find a sheltered place, but of course the memory of the mob in Winzeldorf was always fresh in his mind. “But it’s not the first thing I want to think about when I’m alone with a beautiful woman.”

“No, of course not,” she said. Did she sound disappointed, or was he imagining it? He wasn’t sure if he wanted to do this anymore at all. But the things bothering him seemed so minor – she’d moved a little fast and asked a couple weird questions. He didn’t want to back out now that he’d come all the way here.

Melissa slide back on the bed, leaning against the wall. Kurt was left perching on the edge. “So,” she continued, “since you are here, alone with me…do you want to fuck me? If you do want to, then, you know, come here and get it.” She grinned again. Something felt off, and he didn’t know what. Was her line forced? Poorly repeated from somewhere? Kurt couldn’t tell. He hesitated. The room was swaying a little. It had been since before he left the bar, but somehow he hadn’t noticed until now. Melissa, watching him, lay back and stretched her arms above her head, displaying her torso to great effect.

When Kurt didn’t speak, she sat back up. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine, of course. But maybe I can at least see what your junk looks like? I’ve been pretty curious.”

“Ah – in just a minute,” he said. “Could I use your bathroom first? I want to freshen up a little.”

“Oh, sure,” she replied. “First door down the hall to your left.”

He left and padded down the dark hallway to the restroom. He needed a minute to think. He’d been excited to come here, and he still liked Melissa a lot, and there wasn't anything he’d objected to that she hadn’t stopped right away… But the last few minutes sat wrong somehow, and had sent him right out of the mood. Still, it would be terribly caddish to walk out now. He’d go back, wind things down, and claim exhaustion soon.

He opened the door to the hall, coming face-to-face with a woman who definitely wasn't Melissa. She fumbled for a switch, flooding the hallway with light. 

“Whoa!” she said as she took in his face. “Did Melissa bring you back here?”

He nodded. Alarm broke through the haze in his brain: time to focus, don’t scare her. “My name is Kurt. You must be her roommate?”

“Yep. Jenna, nice to meet you. Man, she’s brought some weird looking guys back here, but you’re definitely the winner.”

“…thank you? Does she bring many mutants here?”

“Yeah, you guys are all she fucks,” Jenna said. “It’s like a weird fetish or something. Not that I mind, I just think it’s kind of funny.”

“I see,” he said. “Excuse me.” He walked back to Melissa’s room and cracked the door. “I’m sorry,” he told her, “but I’m not feeling well. I should head home.”

“Damn, are you sure?” Melissa replied. “Can I get you anything? Do you need a ride back?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Thank you, I think the walk will help clear my head.”

“Ok, if you really need to,” she said, looking crestfallen. “I’ll get you my number if you want to meet up again.” She fumbled through her desk for a scrap of paper, and scrawled the number down.

Kurt took it from her and slipped it in his pocket. “Thank you. It was nice to meet you,” he said. “I’m sorry I had to leave early.” He walked away from the apartment until he was out of sight, then leaned against the wall of an alley to think. It hadn’t occurred to him before that he had no idea how to get back to the mansion. As he flicked his image inducer back on and wandered out to the sidewalk to look for a payphone, he heard a cough from across the street.

Logan was there, arms crossed and head wreathed in smoke. Kurt teleported across the street to meet him, and immediately regretted it, arriving with a dizzy head and nauseous stomach. 

“Have fun?” Logan asked, pulling out a set of keys and flipping them around in his hand. He ambled down the street towards where his bike was parked.

“Honestly? Not particularly,” said Kurt, as he followed Logan down the block. “It was great at first, but the whole thing went a bit weird.”

“Scared her off?” 

“Kind of the opposite, actually. She just…asked some strange questions. Expected different things than I did.”

Logan laughed. “Liked your air of danger? I’ve had a couple of those.”

“Ja, I suppose that’s a way to put it.” They’d reached the bike, and he climbed on behind Logan, hoping the ride back wouldn’t leave him too woozy.

“Tell you what,” the other man said. “If you get your second wind by the time we’re back at the mansion, I’ve got a few beers stashed away. You can fill me in on the gory details. Or not, if talking about it’s not your thing.”

The offer surprised him, as much as the initial proposal of a trip out had. The prospect was welcome though. Back home, he’d cleared his head by talking to Jimaine or Stephen or other friends in the troupe, and he’d been feeling the loss since moving here. “I might need to be cut off for the night, but I’d appreciate a talk,” he replied. 

Logan nodded and gunned the engine, and they sped off into the night.


End file.
